“I spent much of my high-school years hiding in the girl’s bathroom feeling, like a pig, what with the acne and all of the angst,” writes Leslie Caveny. The screenwriter of “Penelope” says she did a makeover of a folk tale that “had a miserably unhappy ending.” So her chirpier version opens with “Once upon a time” and ends with kids sitting under a tree working out the film’s message. Christina Ricci from “Black Snake Moan” and “The Addams Family”—who also serves as National Spokesperson for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network—plays the title character, born with a pig-like snout. Seems Penelope’s great-great-great grandfather Ralph bowed to class protocol and broke his engagement to lowly Clara. To retaliate against the nose-in-air set, Clara’s witchy mom cursed the next female in the family tree to come into the world with a pig snout. Only when one of her own accepts her unsightly anomaly will the curse end. To stymie plastic surgeons of the future, the witch relocated the carotid artery, so a nose job is not an option. Director Mark Palansky takes the side of the witch here to tweak Penelope’s silly socialite parents (Catherine O’Hara and Robert E. Grant), who were well enough connected to fake their infant daughter’s death certificate and secure an infant corpse to cremate in her place. Now 25, Penelope was home-schooled out of sight. She faces a stream of twits who flee on sight, despite her dowry. It does not occur to anyone here to match her with an “unkissably ugly” mate. Surely blueblood inbreeding would yield a facially deformed male unfit for marriage– except to her. Enter Max (James McAvoy from “Atonement,” “The Last King of Scotland”), a pseudo-suitor outfitted with a hidden camera in the employ of one-eyed tabloid reporter Lemon (Peter Dinklage from “The Station Agent” and “Lassie”). Bunk about looks, love and esteem blooms. If no Mr. Right turned up, her dad planned to give her a puppy. Penelope planned to take her life. Reese Witherspoon produces and plays Penelope’s new pal. 84m. (Bill Stamets)
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